


Choose. (Jumin Han/Reader Oneshot)

by kettlingurkrazy



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, BUT THEY'RE REALLY LIGHT, Doubt, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Heavy Angst, I promise, Jumin Han's Route, Oneshot, Reader-Insert, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Spoilers, Unrequited Love, actually idk if it is, because THIS IS ANGST, decide for yourself i guess, don't read if you want fluff and humor, like they're kinda only at the very end, lol idk how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-28 15:56:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11421285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kettlingurkrazy/pseuds/kettlingurkrazy
Summary: All this time. All this time you had thought he loved you. It's what he told you, anyway. At any chance he'd get, he would tell you how much he wanted to hold you, protect you, keep you as his, forever, etc etc etc...But he never got over her.Hope I didn't mix up the plot for Jumin's route too much, it's been ages since I've played his route T_TI listened to 'True Love Waits' by Radiohead and 'Broken' by Ours while writing this spontaneously at 4am.EDIT: It was suggested to me to extend the ending; might continue with another chapter or two in the next couple of weeks..EDIT 2: I think I finished it within about 2 days instead lolol





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this fandom isn't dead... *insert Yoosung's sobbing emoji*

All this time. All this time you had thought he loved you. It's what he told you, anyway. At any chance he'd get, he would tell you how much he wanted to hold you, protect you, keep you as his, forever, etc etc etc... 

But he never got over her. 

_Rika, the girl everyone looked up to and loved wholeheartedly, whom you secretly called a snake. Yes, Jumin and the rest of the RFA may have adored you, but you'd never be as good as her. In their eyes, she was a saint, even after V had let on that she had had some issues. Nobody but he knew all the details, but the RFA decided to dismiss the topic and keep living in ignorance, believing she was the single most loving person on this earth. You decided that you could live with it, wanting to be the bigger person, hoping that maybe, just maybe, if you tried hard enough, you could be as good as her. Meet their expectations. Maybe even exceed them. You told yourself that as long as you had Jumin's love, that would be enough._

Boy, were you wrong. 

_Sure, it had been fine the first few months into your relationship with Jumin. After that first party, chaos with the hacker and with Sarah had begun to die down more and more steadily, and with it died the apparent constant nagging comparison of Rika. But, secretly, it was still there. Zen had eventually told you how she had helped him with his confidence and career, and Saeyoung revealed that she had taken care of someone very important to him (although you were still unsure of who, exactly). Yoosung still talked about how much he missed her, which was, of course, expected. You couldn't dismiss a death like that, especially with how close they had been. And Jumin. You of course had heard the story of unrequited feelings between Rika and your lover. And you understood the feelings he had gone through, that he still had trouble expressing. You had even gone through feelings similar once or twice. You promised him that he was not the only one who has felt like this, he was not alone. Your genuine words and soothing tone had seemed to calm him and nothing ever went too far. His boiling, bubbling emotions would sometimes reveal their intensity to you, but it was in short periods, and they were never directed towards you. Even if you wanted them to be._

_But, after you had finally fully moved in with Jumin, made your relationship official, gotten into the swing of everyday life with him, had the pressure begun to build up._

_First, you started noticing little things. He had kept pictures of her posing with him and, occasionally, V (but it was mostly just Jumin and Rika). You could handle it a bit, but you thought it was a problem when he kept every single picture, and would even put pictures of the two of you_ as a couple _next to those pictures. You also noticed that, although you did adore Elizabeth 3rd with all your cat-loving heart, Jumin didn't change much in regards to her than when you had first meet him. He no longer put her in a cage, of course, but she'd still be the first one to be greeted when he came home from work. He never quite trusted you to take care of her properly, and had to explain exactly how to feed her every single time he was unable to. And then there was the tie. Rika had gotten him this ridiculously ugly pink tie for his birthday one year, and he still wore it before every big conference. Not the tasteful, silky purple one with tiny swirls that shimmered that you had gotten him. Or the navy blue checkered one, imported from Italy for your one month anniversary. Or the red pinstriped one that cost you a fortune. Nope, not even the pastel blue one with tiny customized Elizabeth 3rds on it. Yeah, you knew it was a little cheesy, but it was worth a shot. Anything to keep him from the tie Rika got him. Alas, your efforts were a waste._

 _You didn't understand what you were doing wrong. You_ knew _you were more kind at times than was called for, but apparently you still weren't as kind as Rika had been. You knew you were always understanding towards all of the RFA and you supported them through every one of their dilemmas, just wanting the best for them. You were always the one to stand up for the one being teased, and you would never tease another. Nothing made sense. How could anyone somehow be more kind and perfect than you were forced to be every second of the day?_

 

These are the thoughts running through your head as you wait loyally for Mr. Chairman-to-be on the large, plush couch looking out on the city. You blow a strand of (h/c) hair out of your face as you watch tiny identical cars go by, each one the same as the next. It reminds you of how numb you usually are about the still fresh and apparent feelings Jumin had for Rika. For some reason, however, the frustration you felt today was stronger than the status quo. Maybe it was the way he had left for work early without saying 'I love you' or even a simple 'goodbye' today. Maybe it was the way he had stared at one of the many pictures of her when he thought you were asleep the night before. Or maybe it was how he just had to wear that fucking _obnoxious_ tie again today. Whatever it was, you had moped around the house the entire day wondering if maybe he... well...

_...what if he doesn't love me as much as her...?_

No. That was ridiculous. Maybe you weren't as good as her, maybe not as beautiful, hell, maybe you just weren't as unattainable and desired as her, but you were still his girlfriend of four and a half months. You two rarely fought. You always had a ton of fun on dates. Everything seemed to work out under the covers. You were one of the happiest couples you knew. There was no way Jumin had any... _regrets_ towards you. Right?

You hear the tone of the elevator, signaling that Jumin has returned from work. You lift yourself off of the couch and dust off your satin red skirt, wanting to make yourself look presentable when welcoming him in. You attempt to quiet the click of your glossy black kitten heels as you walk towards the entrance. You always have to be as perfect as you imagine Rika to be, you remind yourself over and over again. You straighten your shoulders as Elizabeth 3rd basically skips past your legs, meowing in excitement at being able to finally see her beloved owner. She has grown used to you being there, and although she loves you, she will never hold the same affection for you as she does Jumin... Hm. Reminds you of another relationship.

Jumin finally turns the doorknob and enters the place you now call home. "Hello, Elizabeth. Hello, my dear." He looks up at you but he bends down to stroke Elizabeth 3rd with his long, elegant fingers. He smiles brilliantly up at you, and though you know it is genuine, you wonder whether it was actually generated by your presence, not Elizabeth's.

"Hello Jumin! I've missed you. Can I get you some wine? You look exhausted." You recite perfectly rehearsed lines without breaking a sweat.

"Please. I'll have whatever you're having." He stands back up, finally satisfied with petting Elizabeth 3rd, and takes a few long strides towards the couch as you hurry to collect two wine glasses. 

Once you set the glasses down on the polished mahogany table, you sit next to Jumin, close enough to not make the distance seem apparent, but far enough to keep control over your feelings. When you become emotional, it certainly doesn't help to watch his facial expressions too closely. "How was your day, then, honey?"

"Oh, it was fine. The meeting with the American company -- you know the one -- went well, but it took longer than expected. Part of the issue was their translator's extremely thick accent, but it was mostly -- wait. I noticed something, I meant to ask you about it. Is..." He clears his throat, which is surprising, because that usually means he hasn't properly gathered his thoughts, a rare occurrence. "Is everything alright with you? You seemed tense the moment I walked in the door. You're not... upset, are you?" 

Your face suddenly glows a bright shade of red, giving you away immediately. Nonetheless, you try to act your way out of it. "N-no, of course not! I... why would you think that, haha?" You forget that, unfortunately, you have always been a horrible actress, and that you're _positive_ Jumin's had Jaehee install a lie detector in him.

"(Y/n). Don't lie to me. I won't let this go until you tell me the absolute truth, and you know I'll be able to tell. There's nothing to fret about, just tell me and I'll try to help." He looks straight into your eyes, making it almost impossible to tear them away from his steely grey ones. 

"J-Jumin, I... I'm not sure if you'll want to hear about it. It's kind of a... touchy subject."

"(Y/n)."

"O-okay, fine. It's, um... it's about Rika."

He visibly stiffens, but his face doesn't give anything away. "Go on."

"I don't want to seem like a whiny bitch or something, but... um. I just wonder, constantly actually, haha, am... am I good enough for you? I never feel like I'm as perfect as Rika, because everyone tells me she was the kindest person they've ever known, and I just don't know how to meet your expectations?" You squeak at the end of your phrase, but go on anyways. _"AndsometimesIreallydoubtwhetheryouactuallylovemeorifyou'restillmoreinlovewithher...!"_ You bury your face, the shade of a tomato, in your hands, not wanting to see his reaction any longer.

He stays silent for, to be frank, a worryingly long amount of time. You start to develop a cold sweat and your joints knock a little. Finally, after a sip of wine, he begins, "(Y/n), you know I love you, I tell you almost every da--" 

"Yes, Jumin, I know that. And I love you too. But I need to know, do you regret being with me? I don't expect you to just forget Rika. That's unfair. But I haven't been about to get over the idea that you aren't completely satisfied with me. So, Jumin, I don't want to force you into a decision, but--" You take a sip of wine to gather your courage. "Who do you love more? Me, or Rika?"

Jumin, like you, has never been an excellent actor, but he is usually able to keep a pokerface after years of training to kill off his emotions. However, now he is unable to conceal the shock clearly written all over his face. "I -- wait, _what?_ You're not making any sense, there's no way I'm about to compare you to my dead friend. It's just--" 

"Jumin, you're starting to make me doubt you. Answer the question."

"No! You're being absolutely ridiculous, there's no way I'm going to choose one of you, it's disrespectful to her, and you two are totally different, and -- just stop this. It's unfair." He stands to set his now empty wine glass in the sink. You immediately stand up and try to keep up with his long strides.

"Jumin, why are you avoiding the question?!" Something powerful and impossible to ignore begins to build up in your throat. "I -- wait. You're not answering the question. You... you _don't_ love me as much."

"(Y/n), I _swear_ , don't you start--"

"No! You know you're not going to deny it! ...I-I'm never going to be g-good enough, am I?" Plump tears have started rolling down your face.

"Fuck, (y/n)... You know what? No. No, not when you're acting like this, you certainly are _not_ good enough. Please just leave me alone, I already told you I didn't want to deal with this." He turns away so that you can't see his face and he can't see your tear-stained, red-blotched one.

Your heart stops in your throat. Yes, you had figured out by now that he didn't have the same passion for you that he did for Rika, that the whole act before that first party had just been because of so many overwhelming events stacked on top of one another, but you would've never guessed he would say such hurtful things, that he would _kick you out._ You don't hesitate to slump your shoulders and quietly open the front door, no longer caring whether your heels click or not, wiping your tears with your white button-up top. It doesn't matter anymore. You don't feel anything. You would call Jaehee and ask to spend the night, and figure out what to do from there.

Jumin turns around, ready to apologize after gathering his thoughts, only to find an empty space where you were standing just a couple minutes earlier. "(Y/n)?" He runs a hand through his thick black hair. "Shit... _Shit!_ " He slams a hand down on the granite island in the spacious kitchen. "God... What did I just say to her...?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Some days I'm made of metal, I can't be broken. But not when I'm with you..."_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Chaos Chaos, "Do You Feel It"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna be a confusing chapter you guys

You knocked on the door to Jaehee's apartment. You could see warm light leaking out from under the door, meaning she was still awake, either working overtime from home, or re-watching filmed musicals starring Zen. After about ten seconds, you could hear shuffling along with approaching footsteps when the door clicked open. Jaehee gazed at you with tired eyes, holding a warm cup of coffee in her hands. "(Y-y/n)! Oh no, what happened, honey? I couldn't really understand what was going on over the phone." She ushers you in, makes you sit down on the couch, and goes to make you a cup of coffee, as well.

You gaze off, staring at the piles of paperwork on her desk. You're so numb from the incident that you don't know what to say; it's almost as if you've forgotten how to move your lips. After a few attempts, sound finally comes out, in a quiet murmur. "He... Jumin still loves Rika more than me. Jaehee... I think... I think Jumin and I are done." A sudden wave of tears struggles to leave your eye, but you try to blink it back. 

Jaehee rushes back, now with a cup in both hands. "Oh, sweetie," she hurriedly sets the cups down on the coffee table and gently, soothingly rubs your back in small circles. A single tear finally manages to break the threshold, and rolls down your cheek. The action of Jaehee wiping it away makes you whimper, and the dam finally opens. You are curled up in Jaehee's arms, shaking from the pressure finally being released after all this time. Finally someone could understand you, and still _comfort_ you. 

"(Y/n), I'll be here for you, whatever you need," she said when you finally quieted down just a bit. "If you want to talk about it, I'll listen. If you want me to kick his ass, I will, _happily._ If you need food, rest, anything, I'll try to provide it, but I want to make sure you're okay first. Do you understand?" 

You finally let go of her, not realizing how tightly you had been hugging her. "Jaehee... Can we just watch a musical, go to bed, and talk about a plan in the morning? I... I'm not sure I'm completely ready to deal with all this, at the moment." 

"Of course, (Y/n). Okay, now which one: _The Jalapeño Topping Was Pretty Spicy_ , or _The Red Pepper Was So Hot_?"

• • •

You can feel warm sunlight on your eyelids as you ease out of your deep slumber. Jaehee's cool, soft sheets almost make you never want to get out of bed, almost makes you forget where you are, almost makes you forget all about your trouble with Jumin, _almost_. You yawn as you sit up, looking around your best friend's spare bedroom, examining the shiny wood floor and the small dresser against the wall with the window, a small yellow watercolor flower painting in a modest frame on the opposite wall. It feels more homey than Jumin's penthouse had felt recently, you realize. You had been so caught up with Jumin in general that you had forgotten to decorate a bit as you please, as he had insisted so many times.

You finally urge yourself to crawl out of the all-too-comfy bed and out to the kitchen, where you saw Jaehee already making coffee, of course, and toast. You waddle over to one of the stools next to the island and plop down, muttering, "'Morning, Jaehee," and, "Thanks," when she sets the breakfast and coffee in front of you. Sinking your teeth into the warm, soft bread, crisp around the edges and topped with simple butter, you think to yourself that nothing has ever tasted so good.

Jaehee, while munching on her own toast, speaks up for the first time this morning. "(Y/n)... not to pressure you into anything, but... do you have a plan? How are you feeling today?" She looks into your eyes, trying to read your emotions with a concerned look.

"I think I feel a bit better... definitely more collected. Jaehee, I want to solve this, because I still love him, but... but I'm scared to talk to him..."

She takes a long sip of coffee, a contemplative look playing across her features. "(Y/n)... There's something you should know." You look up at her, curious. What could you possibly not know about the situation, after basically deciphering cryptic code for the past few months? You didn't doubt Jaehee, but it certainly seemed unlikely that you had missed anything that would change the game in any way. "And, look I'm not trying to defend Jumin in any way, but..." You shoot her a suspicious glance, and she throws both hands in the air, as if accused of some crime. "(Y/n)! You know I won't! Look, I hate him as much as you do right now, maybe more! Especially after he made me write that 20-page report on _cats_ , for fuck's sake..." She looks regretfully at the pile of paper on her desk in the corner as you giggle at her frustration, but also a little at Jumin's ridiculous actions, a _little._. 

"Anyways, as I was saying, I thought I should tell you... I noticed before I met you that Jumin had always kept a picture of himself, Rika, and V on his desk. This was, of course, also before I knew that he had... feelings for Rika, so I didn't really think much of it. He would also occasionally talk about her, in a respectful way, but in a sentimental way as well. It was always in the passing, and even though I never knew Rika too well, it struck me as a bit... strange.

"But after you came into the RFA, and formed a relationship with Jumin... I noticed something different. Jumin no longer mentioned Rika. He put a picture of you on his desk, a more personal one than Rika's had been. He talks about you with his employees, when he's in a good mood, after, you know, he spontaneously decided to become a semi-decent boss at times. And he always mentions what a nice, pure person you are, how he might bring you by the office one day so that they might meet you. And... then one day, when I had to stop by his office, I noticed that Rika's photo was no longer there. He didn't say anything about it, it was just... gone. And I haven't seen it since then. And, I don't know if that means anything to you, but..." She finished of the last of her coffee. "It's definitely screaming a clear message to me. I might be critical of Jumin, because he can be a shitty boss at times, but I know that he truly cares for you, regardless of the stale, leftover emotions he may or may not have for some dead girl that didn't even return his love. And that isn't real love, if you ask me. I'd say that he didn't know real love until he met you."

By the time she had finished her speech, tears had once again filled your eyes. "J-Jaehee... was I wrong? I... I swear I didn't mean to hurt him, but everything I had seen suggested that he still loved her more! I mean, what about the pictures of Rika he still has at the _house_?"

"Think that's just his way of showing his respect for the dead, and trying to remember her properly. He'll probably take them down if you ask him, though."

"Well, what about greeting Elizabeth before me? Hmm?"

"Again, probably a weird 'respect for the dead' thing. Plus, it's not like that cat is _all_ love for Rika; he's also grown to love Elizabeth 3rd in his own way. It's just a force of habit, I promise."

"Really? Hm... WAIT, WHAT ABOUT THAT FUCKING TIE?!"

"(Y/n). I'm telling you, this stuff means absolutely nothing to him! He only wears it when he meets with a certain American company, because the owner said that he liked it, somehow. I mean, it's the ugliest thing ever, I have know idea how he even feels _mediocre_ about it. Anyways, other than that, I can assure you that he never wears that tie!"

Suddenly it all makes sense. You understand why he does the things he does. Yes, it was still definitely wrong of him to not deny that he loves Rika more than you, or to say hurtful things, or to _kick you out_ (you were still mad about that), but you can sympathize just a bit. All that was left to do was ~~come crawling back to his sorry ass~~ go back to the penthouse to sort things out.

• • •

Jaehee drove you over to the penthouse after helping you boost your courage for the entire day. You were still frightened, but you knew that you'd never forgive yourself if you didn't do it. And Jumin wouldn't, either.

You are greeted by the security guards you had grown to recognize during your stay with Jumin. Their familiar faces look surprised but, nonetheless, welcoming as they usher you into the elevator. You press the worn down buttons that would lead you to the floor on which he stayed, not even having to think about the action, as you had done it so many times before. As the soft 'ding' rang in your ear, the door of the elevator opened, urging you to leave the comfort of the cold steel walls. You take a few steps and stop in front of his door on the right wall.

The menacing door looms over you and you gulp in fear. You can feel it freezing you, running a cold hand up your spine, wrapping another one in a tight grip around your throat, blocking your senses. _What if I just mess it up more? I just want us both to be happy, but I... I'm not sure I know how to do that..._

No! _I can't think like this. This is my only chance to set things straight. I may or may not succeed, but I sure as hell won't accomplish anything by going back whining to Jaehee. I can do this... I just have to tell him how I feel, and if he's the man I think he is, he'll understand. If not, well, maybe I'm better off without him. Now..._

You finally knock on the door, suddenly hoping you didn't just get up your courage to find an empty room. You stain your hearing, listening for a sign, _any_ sign that he might come to the door. _He should be home by now, but who knows, he always has a lot of work. Besides, maybe he just doesn't want to come to the door... because he doesn't want to talk to you... but he wouldn't know it's you, right?_ Just as you begin to lose hope, taking a step back, you hear a faint rustle from the door. Heavy footsteps get louder, and you can tell he's coming near. Your heart pounds faster. You can hear a mutter, "God... I thought I told them not to let anyone through, except... but she'd never..." That's all you can hear, and you're kinda doubting whether you actually heard it, it was so quiet. The doorknob turns at last, revealing Jumin standing tall over you. Most people wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary about him, but you can immediately tell there's something different about him. As you look closer, you can see dark circles under his eyes, and his hair is slightly more out of place than it usually is.

You are suddenly aware that the two of you have been standing in the doorway, staring at each other for a couple minutes now. You gulp and look him in the eyes, almost whispering, "Hi, Jumin." He looks down, and mumbles, "You can come in," to which you oblige. He clears his throat, obviously mirroring your anxiety. "(Y/n)... Look, I... I'm not sure why you're here, but I _need_ to talk to you. I'm so stupid for--"

You shake your head, cutting him off. "No, Jumin. We can get to that later, but I realized after talking to Jaehee that I was horribly wrong for jumping to... possibly false conclusions. And I'm truly sorry for doing something so mindless and getting upset over things that might not mean anything in the long run. Jumin, I love you, no matter what you say. I think I'll always be in love with you." You look down. You can feel heat crawling up your cheeks, a significant difference to the previous cold grip of terror. Your part is over, but now to wait for Jumin's reactio--

You feel a sturdy, warm force wrap around you, only to find Jumin holding you. His arms tighten as he says, "(Y/n)... You'll never know how much I love you too. It's too much. I never want to lose you." He pulls away just enough to look you in the eyes. "I loved Rika. But it wasn't even close to what I feel when I'm with you. You're the only thing that makes me want to _feel_. You've changed me in so many ways since I've met you. I want to look forward to spending every day off the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up to you in the morning. I want to come home to you after work. I want to spend every weekend going on dates with you. So yes, I did care for Rika, and perhaps I'm having a bit of trouble letting go of that. But I'd rather lose her a thousand times again than lose you once." Tears are streaming down your face, which is a bit expected for you, but the part that surprises you is that he mirrors your actions. _The first time I've ever seen him cry._ He takes deep breaths and slams his eyes shut, fat tears running down his face. _When was the last time he cried...?_

You lay his face on your chest and lead him over to the couch. "Shh... It's okay, I'm here... I'm not leaving... I promise." You stroke his messy hair. "I forgive you. I trust you. I never want to leave you. Don't worry, I'm here for you..." You kiss the top of his head. You know everything will work out. "Shh... Remember, I love you..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want Jumin-bae, yas, but... Jaehee's just a hard-core angel. lololol Love her, in case you couldn't tell~♡

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! This is my first ever fanfic, so it might be a bit rough. Sorry if it wasn't angst-y enough. Jumin is my favorite character, it hurt to write about him like this T_T
> 
> Anyways, kudos and feedback are greatly appreciated!! Thanks for reading!


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